When one is dependent on sons, then we are beggars of their wives.

Leading a life vs being in a prison. When children grow up and get married, we have to listen to their wives’ instructions on what to eat, how to spend and what no. Or their wives want to manage the husband’s parents too. Especially, if we are dependent on sons, then we are living on the charity of daughters-in-law. We are beggars.

The food that is cooked is not just rubbish, but often a week old food is just heated and given causing stomach problems. Eating times are no pleasure as it was when my mom cooked. Now, they are very painful rituals. The wheat dosa is never tasty – even with anything. And especially, when it is cold. The cook comes and cooks these at 6AM and I have to eat these at 10PM – almost 16 hours old food.

Today evening, I was speaking to my cousin C A George while my 2 daughters-in-laws were there with son. Half way through, one dil came and closed the door of my room. I felt insulted. I was not speaking something immoral. It was an intellectual discussion that lasted about 25 minutes. But obviously, what we see is an attitude – I can be treated badly.

These are affecting my self respect. There is a lot of pain. Lots of tears following. It’s like me taking a resolution not to visit Bangalore after I visited my eldest son in 2011. He made me feel so cheap.

It is cheap to live a beggars life. All the respect i gave them, does not come into picture. I would never have treated them this carelessly. 

Now, there is more dislike visible from the tone of her voice. There is more raising of voice for nothing. It was not like this before. She was very nice and caring. Now all that caring has gone.

October 21, 2015 – Woke up with dil asking whether i did something to the drinking water container. It had leaded. Too many questions were like accusing me or Sam for anything going wrong.

There are plenty of ants, finger points to me keeping tea glasses unwashed. But her keeping jaggery was where there were more ants.

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